My name is Hazel and I am a survivor of domestic violence. After being with my abuser for 6 years I was finally able to leave him for good. Jake and I began dating when I was 18, my early adulthood was shaped by trauma. I was emotionally and verbally abused for those 6 years. He was a love bomber, a manipulator, and a huge gaslighter. I was talked down to, told I was crazy, cheated on, everything was always my fault; but would turn around and defend me to anyone or comfort me when something hurt me. I was repeatedly told where I would be buried if I didn’t behave, with him swearing I would never be found. Things escalated one night and he began strangling me because I told him to stop tickling me, and was later told that it was my fault he strangled me. As I laid there crying from hurt, he proceeded to roll over and go to sleep like nothing ever happened.

I majored in psychology in college and I knew all the signs of abuse. I even knew it was happening to me, but I couldn’t leave. I believed him every time when he said “I will change” when he would come crawling back to me after he would break up with me. And every time, I took him back; despite my family and friends screaming at me not to, because I loved him. It took that one last break up, where I was the one initiating it, for me to say “I’m done!” He told me that he would never marry me, never have kids with me, and that I could never see my family again; I looked him in the eye and said I’m done. His response was “I’m the only one who could ever love you. So you are going to risk being alone forever for my guaranteed offer?” My answer was yes. I finally chose me, even if that meant I would be alone, at least I was free of the constant fear of what version of him I would get from day to day. I blocked him on all social media and his phone number. And I made it into a game “How long can I go without talking to him” as an encourager for myself; each new day was a new record!

It’s been years since I left, I am married to a wonderful man and have a beautiful child. I am still in therapy, which I was in during my abuse; which I honestly think helped because it gave me a third party to discuss everything with.

But my trauma is still there and I have my bad days where my insecurities or fear of abandonment show; I don’t let them hold me back, I express them to my partner and he gives me the reassurance I need. During this relationship I lost my voice, I lost who I was. The way I like to explain it is that there was the me before him, the me during him, and the me after him; all of which are completely different people. The me before him was young and carefree. The me during him was quieter and timid and a people pleaser. The me after him is strong and won’t be pushed around.

Telling him I was done was the scariest moment but it led me to the biggest relief. It taught me how tough I am and my worth. I will never allow someone to treat me that way again. I will not be manipulated and disrespected. I got my voice back!